That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
