I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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