You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
