I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
