sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
