i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
