i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
