Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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