Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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