feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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