he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He did a backflip because drugs
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
