i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
