This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
