Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
