...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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