Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
