she looked like the before picture.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
