we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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