So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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