Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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