Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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