If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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