am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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