It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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