Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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