somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Vodka?
Forever.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Randomize
