u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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