In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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