You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
