That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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