I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
