dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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