I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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