I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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