the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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