He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
