but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I want to be your penis for a week.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
