how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
