you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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