She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
