I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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