just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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