We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
She even gives head with a lisp.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
