everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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