Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Is Oprah even human
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize