then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
