if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
