I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
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