dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
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