Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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