Porn is love you can see.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
