after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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