so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
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