we have pet lesbian snakes
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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