Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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