I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
