glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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