He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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