It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'm like, not good at living.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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