they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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