Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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