I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
