Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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