i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize