just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I hope mine doesn't look like that
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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