I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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