take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
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