Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize