I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I just googled if crying burns calories
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
