wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
