i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
