i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
